What am I doing?

Remember that one time I said I would post weekly, well that was a lost cause as soon as all my classes started.

I truly apologize for that, but today i’m here and ready to write until i have nothing left to say.

These past four weeks at school have been a whirlwind. I had no idea that I could do so much and still have time to sit and think about the world around me.

Which by the way is deteriorating in front of our faces, but like its fine I guess. With all of the hurricanes and the earthquakes I can’t help but think this is a sign from some higher power that we are doing something wrong on this Earth.

Now, by no means do I know what we are doing wrong and it’s not my job to find that answer but it does really upset me. As a college student, I know that I have less than two years in my little bubble until I have to go out there. In a world where everyone hates someone.

Gives me hope to think that my generation can change the world. Gives me even more hope to think that could be me. I have no idea what I truly want to do out of college. I just know that my words have the power to change this world.

Ultimately that’s my goal. To use words against all the hate and against all the destruction. To help build people back up and put places back together.

Words have always been something fascinating to me. Maybe that’s why I love music so much, because its a string of words that go together and there’s a beat to go with it.

Who knew that something so menial and subjective could change so many peoples lives. I mean when I was 13 and writing short stories I had no idea how much that got me through the bad times. I just thought that it was something that everyone had the ability to do. Just like musicians, they don’t think about it. They just sit down and it comes out, in this perfect masterpiece that they share to the world.

In my lifetime there has only been one constant thing, writing. No matter how sad, frustrated, mad I was, writing was always there for me.

That’s why now, when i’m so frustrated with school, work, everything I just sat down and opened my laptop. I’m not thinking of these words as I put them on the page and it feels so good to just let all of this out of my mind. It was getting cramped and it was hard to even see some days.

I can feel the release as i’m typing and listening to music. That’s another thing. Music has been my saving grace for so long and in my hardest times it’s been the one thing to really uplift me.

I don’t even know where I would be without music and writing, probably lost somewhere.

There are a few songs that I constantly cling to,

  • “The Less I Know the Better”, Tame Impala
  • “Deadwater”, Wet
  • “Mother Earth”, Banks
  • “1-800-273-8255”, Logic
  • “Lens”, Frank Ocean
  • “Don’t Kill My Vibe”, Sigrid
  • “Twin Size Mattress”, The Front Bottoms

This list is comprised of some sad songs and some songs that you just need to hear sometimes. I’m someone that needs to listen to sad music when their sad. I have no idea how to even listen to happy music when i’m sad, it just pisses me off more.

I know this post is kind of weird, and honestly like I said before i’m not even thinking as I write these words.

Brick by brick my citizens, brick by brick

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